it’s 3 am in foggy bottom. The Thing That Works On Wall Street is tucking the white girls safely in bed. downstairs, a flibbertijibbet is interviewing the ceo of blackwater security to be his new domestic intelligence czar. upstairs, a woman in bifocals and a constitutionally qualified pants suit is on the Red Phone, soliciting donations to her “husband’s” library. “he’s checking his list. he’s checking it twice. no, i can’t accept donations from foreign governments right now. you’ll have to make the check out to a mr joe lieberman, and then slip it into the little red kettle in front of the Bank of Israel when the bell ringer isn’t looking.”
1. u.s. “president” george “you know what i need? a drink, that’s what i need” bush, as part of his campaign to become the greatest lame-duck president of all time (“hey! i think i’m getting the hang of this!”), extended a measly 17 billion dollars in emergency loans to general “motors” and chrysler (motto: “dragging the nazis down for over sixty years!”) corporations. then he called it a day. “let’s see. twelve days left in december plus nineteen days in january equals thirty-one bottles of colt .45 on the wall!”
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-vpauto215971820dec21,0,456418.story
2. barack “hussein in the membrane” obama, as part of his ongoing campaign to become the joe cool of napoleons, asked “christian” televangemercial pitchman rick “cone of silence. and pyramid of tithing dollars” warren to deliver the blessing at his inauguration, capping warren’s quest to become the joe cool of tammy faye bakkers. then bam-o appointed hilda “the teutonic chiquita” solis to be his labor secretary. “i thought it would be cool to have a pro-labor labor secretary for a change.” then he appointed ray “lahood ornament” lahood to be his transportation secretary. “uh, look. remember all those big fat, steamy illinois highway contracts blago was waving under jackson junior’s pigeon stool? lahood got them built. just ask carbondale mayor brad “rent to own” cole.”
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jtKmkmVQ1z_N1D6U4Qv18s_K5LIQD9575K5O0
3. former “president” bill clinton, who swore on “his” daughter’s eyes (may she grow up to be a hideous monster who works on wall street and who doesn’t give interviews if i am telling a lie!”) that he would never, ever, ever, show his donor list to anybody, not even an ubercool flibbertijibbet, showed his donor list to the whole world, plus indiana. then the sultan of brunei started started foaming at the arm pits. then the sultan of dubai started foaming at the mouth. then the king of saudi arabia started foaming at the oil wells. then blackwater started foaming at the waterboard. then george soros started foaming at the wallet. then bill’s “wife” started unpacking her pants suits in foggy bottom. then an irredeemable son of a bitch started flogging his blog.
4. sherry “mile high” johnston, scheduled grandmother of bristol “shotgun baby” palin’s love child/caribou bait/baked-alaska-in-the-oven, was busted for possession. of you-know-what. “i’ll be blunt—it’s traditional to hand out cigars when a baby is born. okay, so, these cigars are brown on the outside, and green on the inside. like a flibberitijibbet. besides, godzillary doesn’t even have a son-in-law, let alone grandchildren. besides, who would want to knock up The Thing That Works On Wall Street, anyway? besides, it’s not like i came home with 150,000 dollars worth of new clothes.” then sarah “the human pez dispenser” palin threw her bail. “one good sperm donation deserves another.” then she threw blago’s bail. “one reagan democrat, more or less.” then she threw bail for plaxico “is that a gun going off in your pocket, or are you just obliterating the dallas sowboys’ playoff chances?” burress. then she ran out of suits to sell on ebay.
http://blogs.suntimes.com/sportsprose/2008/12/remember_him_sherry_johnston_m.html
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politiqs by tommy jonq 