Pocahontas Rolls Pocahontas Over In Her Grave

Virginia Colony October 19, 2018 Supporters of self-embattled presidential candidate and part-time Senator Elizabeth “Bury My Campaign at Wounded Knee” Warren warmly cheered the bona fide American–if not entirely Native American–Democratic Party hopeful at a campaign fundraiser hosted by Wayne Newton. “We raise ’em much wampum! We defeat ’em much Republicans! We give ’em White House back to Percival Lowell! Google it! What else? Oh, yeah! Then, we legalize ’em Peace Pipes!” When asked to respond to the ongoing controversy over her recent DNA test results, Senator Warren adjusted her Senatorial war bonnet and proclaimed, “As long as I still have one drop of Indian blood in my veins, I will not stop fighting for the rights of my people to build ’em heap big casinos conveniently located near Social Security check cashing facilities!”